What Is Love and What Are You Doing About It?

Did you read the last post on ‘love’ and recognise some imbalances in the way you express yourself within relationships? Are you in a relationship that is bringing up all of your insecurities? Are you trying to work out what is going wrong? Do you want to work towards a healthier relationship with yourself using EFT and BodyTalk? Firstly, read through the following statements and answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’. The key to identifying what issues you can tap on is to step back from your relationship and look for the times that your insecurities either sabotage relationship success, or keep you in an unhappy situation because of negative and limiting self-beliefs.

Can you answer ‘yes’ to any of these statements?

• I often find myself attracted to unsuitable partners (emotionally, physically, mentally)?
• I spend a lot of my time trying to make my partner happy.
• I apologise even when I know it’s not my ‘fault’
• I complain to my close friends and family about my partner’s behaviour and am unhappy but I can’t seem to let the relationship go.
• If my partner is angry or upset with me, I cannot do anything else until I have resolved the argument.
• If I’m upset about something my partner has done, or how a situation makes me feel, I dismiss my feelings to avoid conflict.
• I feel so relieved after a fight and we make up because now I have a opportunity to be a better girlfriend/boyfriend.
• My feelings of self-worth depend on how my relationship is going.
• My relationship goes in cycles: things are going ok, then we fight, then I apologise and do everything I can to make it up, then the cycle starts all over again.
• I dismiss my own upsets because I’m scared of losing my partner.
• I want to spend all of my time with my partner because it proves to me that we are close.
• If close friends or family give me opinions about my relationship that don’t support it continuing, I avoid talking to them about it again.
• I don’t think I’d cope well without my partner.
• I suffer from jealousy/I cheat/I am being cheated on.
• I have ditched a lot of the things I used to enjoy doing because I’m in a relationship now.

If you can answer ‘yes’ to any of those statements, then you may be sabotaging your own happiness with your insecurities or putting up with an unhealthy relationship because negative and limiting beliefs distort your sense of self-worth.

Standing back from relationship drama and asking yourself the questions: ‘what is this relationship telling me about myself?’, ‘what is the message I’m getting back from this relationship?’ and ‘have I been here before?’. This gives you your next clue as to what you are getting from this relationship. If the message is ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m not enough’ then you have some tappable issues that you can start to work on. If the message is ‘I’m not getting what I want from this’, then ask yourself what it is that you want? If the answer is to feel safe, to feel important, wanted or loveable you need to ask yourself why YOU don’t feel these things about yourself. If you get the sinking feeling that ‘yes, I have been here before’, then you might want to get tapping on the pattern that you have identified.

At EFT Nottingham we work in a session to shift your emotional register and uncover negative patterns that keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships; uncovering the reasons why you respond in certain ways romantically. Sessions at EFT Nottingham can resolve distorted belief systems, balance and release emotions that no longer serve you. Your relationships are mirrors that reflect your sense of self back to you and if you are caught in unhappy, unbalanced and unhealthy relationships it’s because at some level you need to take notice and learn about the imbalance within you. YOU are the common factor in your relationships and YOU are the person that can make yourself happy. If you have ‘been here before’ then a new partner is not going to make the difference until YOU change the pattern. Having relationships that give your partner the message that you can’t be happy without them is actually giving them the message that ‘it is your job to make me happy’. What a responsibility for them to carry. If you compromise your own happiness to stay with someone then is that really ‘love’?

We all need support and love but if we seek relationships to fulfill the part of ourselves that we are missing then we are almost certainly going to experience relationship difficulties.

At EFT Nottingham I strive to empower my clients and to remind them of their own value, experiences, resources and strengths. When you have a healthy, happy relationship with yourself then you are truly the most attractive person around. Date yourself first and the rest will follow but if you need a bit of help getting past the patterns, resolving the negative beliefs and want a greater awareness of just how amazing you are then book in for a session.